i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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