JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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