I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
