It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
