He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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