I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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