I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
