Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
