Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
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