Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
