You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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