i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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