They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
