I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
