Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
