i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
