Already got asked if we're dating
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
