my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
