You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
