i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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