Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
