If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
