I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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