is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
