Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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