My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
