My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
