So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
