I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize