I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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