On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
