You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
