The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
