it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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