remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
We got so high we made milksteak
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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