Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
