That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
