He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
