The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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