I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
