I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
