Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
