so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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