In America we eat man semen.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
me + whiskey = a bad person
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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