:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
