we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
