Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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