There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize