Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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