we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
