your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
