Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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