I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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