Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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