I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
