the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
