I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We need to rekindle our bromance
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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