hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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