2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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