Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
