I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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