needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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