So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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