Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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