you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
