my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
