its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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