I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
