i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
