i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
