Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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