literally had 100 drinks last night.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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