It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
