1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
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