508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
