No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
