Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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