i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize