She's JV to your varsity
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
