So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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