she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
