I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
