my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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