Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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