i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
