TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
this hospital has no fireball
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
