Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
