well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
