I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
