I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
