He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Congratulations! We have a period
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
