I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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