yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
