Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
