once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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