you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
