you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize