remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
