Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
