First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
