I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
