I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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