were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
why do cheetos always look like penises
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
