So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
