The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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