Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
