Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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