Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize