If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
