We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
