Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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