And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
