ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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