Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
