my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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