i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Randomize
