I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
did i walk over a car last night?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
