Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
