why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
